Entry tags:

angst, complete, fanfic, lupin, mirror, sex, slash, snape, snupin

The Other Side of the Mirror 5
Title: The Other Side of the Mirror
Word Count: 62,542
Rating: NC17
Pairing: RL/SS, RL/SB, SS/LE(one sided), SS/LM
Content: Abuse, Anal, Angst, Bi, H/C, HJ, Language, M/M, N/C, Oral, Tort, Violence, WD
Summary: In sixth year, Remus Lupin nearly killed Severus Snape in wolf form. Miraculously, Severus escaped unharmed. But what if he hadn't?

1-4 5-8 9-12 13-16 17-20 20-24 25-28 29-33



Chapter 17
And Not Expendable

James Potter asked Lily out just after the full moon of April and she accepted. She didn't talk to Severus about it first and he knew it was because she didn't want to hurt him with her lack of return for his own feelings. It still hurt, however, when he heard a few younger girls crooning about how sweet and romantic Potter was, even if he happened to be a Gryffindor.

Severus didn't think about it. He avoided the subject of love in all fashions, except for when Rosier cornered him in their dorm.

“Hey, Snape? Do you... have a minute?”

It was the hesitation that decided him. He couldn't really say he was friends with Rosier, but the other boy had always been decent to him. Severus set down his book on his bed and got up.

“What's wrong?”

Rosier smiled weakly, scratching the back of his head. “Remember... Remember at the start of the year? When you said you were okay with me being...you know?”

“I remember.” He wasn't sure what it had to do with anything, but he remembered.

“I... I like someone.”

Oh hell. Severus swallowed and then sat down on the edge of his bed as Rosier came closer and sat down on the bed across from him.

“Wilkes?” he couldn't help asking. Rosier's blue eyes went wide.

“How did you-?!” He cut himself off, however, and just blushed. “..Yeah.”

Severus nodded. “... I actually assumed you were already together.”

“Really...?” Rosier grew hopeful. “Then...Do you think he'd...accept me? I mean. Even if he didn't like me back, do you think he'd... be disgusted with me?”

That took a little thought but then Severus realized he doubted Wilkes would find anyone disgusting, except for muggles and they deserved it anyway.

“...No, I don't think he would,” he answered finally. Rosier grinned and jumped to his feet.

“I promised myself I'd tell him before the end of the year. We're graduating this year. And then we'll be busy with jobs and training and families and...”

“I wish you luck.”

Rosier paused at the blank sound in Severus' voice.

“Oh. Oh, Merlin, Sev, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-”

Severus waved a dismissive hand. “It's fine, Evan. That doesn't matter to me.”

Rosier looked at him as if he didn't believe that at all. Severus just looked at him and lifted a brow. It wasn't as if he'd cry his heart out even if he could admit aloud it bothered him. Rosier understood that, after a few silent minutes. Then, finally, he smiled again.

“I was rooting for you, you know,” he murmured, then shook his head and left, likely to find Wilkes. Severus found himself hating Rosier, just a little bit.

He couldn't concentrate. Even days after he'd found out, after he'd seen Potter and Lily together, it was still so very painful. He'd known he lost her. He'd known he'd never had her, but it still hurt. He wanted, for once, to go back to Spinner's End and press his face into his pillow and just stay there. No one would bother him. No one cared. Everything could stop long enough for him to recover and pull something of himself from the ashes. Just two and a half months. Just under ten weeks. Just sixty-two days. Then he could leave and he'd never have to think about Lily and Potter ever again. He could disappear. He could leave wizarding kind behind and follow his father's footsteps. Factory work. He could do it. And he'd never have to think about them...

Severus wasn't quite sure when he'd gotten up but he suddenly found himself in the hallway just outside the entrance to the common room. It was dark. The dungeons made everything so pitch dark at night. He touched the edge of the wall and then began to walk. He knew where he was. It didn't frighten him. The dark was familiar. Comfortable. Him.

And then the darkness broke as he passed through the front doors, not even realizing he'd been walking so long. The air was cool at night. Still in his uniform shirt and slacks, the wind cut right into him as it made his hair flutter back from his face. He didn't feel it, not really. He kept walking.

Next thing he knew, he was near the whomping willow. It rustled here and there from the wind, as if it were just sleeping and could wake at any moment to throttle him to pieces. He almost riled it. Almost.

“Snape?”

Abruptly, the cold, calm haze that had been over his mind lifted. He jerked, sucking in a quick, hard breath that was suddenly painfully cold. His skin was suddenly covered in goosebumps and he shivered as the cold slid through him. Slowly, he turned and stared at Lupin. Merlin, why was it that Lupin always found him at his worst?

Lupin just looked at him, standing mere feet away. Severus hadn't heard him come up. His slightly curly hair bounded about more than his own did, for lack of length. He looked worried but calm. And he had a coat on, the bastard.

“What are you doing out here?” Severus shot at him. Lupin shrugged a bit, hands stuffed in his pockets.

“I could ask you the same,” he retorted and then lifted his eyes to the sky. “..I come out, sometimes. When the moon's getting smaller. I like watching it disappear.”

For some reason, that made perfect sense. Severus looked up, matching Lupin's gaze. The moon was nearly gone, or had the New Moon already come and gone? He doubted Lupin would get waning and waxing moons mixed up.

Severus jumped as he felt a touch to his shoulder. Lupin was at his side and the concern overrode his expression.

“Snape, you're freezing.” Lupin tugged off his coat and almost laid it over Severus' thinner shoulders, but he stopped him before he could.

“No. No don't you-”

“Don't I what?” Lupin frowned. “Give a damn about whether or not you catch a cold?”

He had a sweater on under the coat that fell onto his shoulders. It was warm with Lupin's body heat and Severus couldn't make himself throw it off. Lupin made a noise in the back of his throat.

“Oi. Making me take care of you like this. Have some sense.”

“I didn't ask you for anything, Lupin.”

“No. You never ask anyone for anything.” Lupin scowled, folding his arms over his chest. “Don't you think you're old enough to stop being so childish? It's okay to lean on someone!”

Severus grit his teeth. “You don't understand.”

“Maybe I do,” Lupin snarled back. “Maybe I can. But how the hell do you expect anyone to if you can't say when you need something? Or want something? Or, Merlin forbid, want someone to care for you!”

“Shut up!” Severus whirled on his heel, glaring at Lupin as nastily as he could. “Shut up, you don't know anything!”

“I know what it's like to love someone who will never ever return it,” Lupin murmured, his voice suddenly very soft. He seized Severus' arm and jerked him in close. Severus didn't even have the wits to stop him. “I know how hard it is to see them with someone else. I know how hard it is to see them love someone else. I know all that. Don't you dare belittle my feelings or my experience again, Severus Snape.”

Severus swallowed. He could only stare at those fever bright brown eyes that drew him in so easily every time.

“I'm sorry,” he found himself whispering. Slowly, Lupin's eyes widened and then he let go, but neither of them moved apart.

“I think that's the first time I've heard you say that,” Lupin murmured after a few silent moments. Severus looked away.

“Don't get used to hearing it. I don't make mistakes often.”

Lupin snorted, but the mood was still heavy around them. Heavy with words, with expectations, with wants. Heavy with things Severus didn't understand and couldn't name. He looked back at Lupin's face and the shorter boy stared right back. No hesitation. No unworthiness. There was no smile on Lupin's face either, but he seemed so focused that he didn't even need one.

“Stay with me, tonight,” Lupin said softly. “Just... beside me. For a little while. Until moon set?”

Without even meaning to, Severus found himself agreeing, if only because Lupin refused to let him go from that focused gaze.

“Not here.” Lupin took his hand and Severus didn't think to pull it free. Grabbing a fallen branch, Lupin led him just close enough to the willow to hit the knot that stilled it and then led him into the passage to the shack. Severus trailed behind him through the dark, wet, earth-smelling tunnel, one hand steadying himself along the earthen wall while the other was held firmly in Lupin's firm grip.

They climbed up the trap door and found themselves in the shack. Severus felt a sudden shiver of revulsion flow down his spine as he looked around. He never came here, except for the transformation. Seeing it made the fear of pain return. He felt Lupin squeeze his hand and looked over to find the other boy looking back at him again. Severus felt another shiver, but this one had nothing to do with fear.

“My hand,” he murmured awkwardly. Lupin blinked and looked down as if he didn't realize he was still holding it. He let go and Severus felt a faint stab of disappointment at the lack of warmth. The shack, warded as it undoubtedly was, still had been left so long to rot that the wind cut through it. Severus hugged his arms across his chest.

“Snape,” Lupin said quietly and Severus looked up. “Can I call you by your first name?”

Severus blinked. Why... Why would that matter? But Lupin had looked at him again, pinning him with that bright stare.

“You can call me Remus, if you want. I...I would like you to. Even if it's just when we're alone.”

He wasn't sure how to respond. No one but Lily and his parents called him by his first name. It was... a way to distance, he realized. Severus blinked again and continued to stare even as Lupin began moving closer to him. Closing the distance. And somehow, he didn't quite ache as badly.

“You can,” Severus said softly and then Remus kissed him and he kissed back.

Chapter 18
So That Someday

Remus' lips were not soft and delicate, but a demandingly strong presence against his own. He urged Severus without words, hands curling in his black hair as the kiss swiftly deepened into something not quite as simple. Heat rushed through him as strong fingers brushed the back of his neck and the foreign taste and texture of Remus' tongue sent shivers down his spine. He barely knew what he was doing.

How could he feel like this? How could he be reacting to the heat of Remus' body, to his touch and his lips and the musky scent he didn't need wolf senses to pick up? Severus shivered all over again. What was happening to his body?

“Stop thinking,” Remus urged, his voice a harsh, breathless whisper. “Just stop thinking for once, Severus. Just...let it happen.”

So Severus stopping thinking and his hands curled in the front of Remus's sweater as he dragged the other boy in again and crushed their lips together. Remus let his hands fall only to wrap them around Severus' waist, one finding the edge of his dress shirt and sliding up under it. Severus shivered as faintly chilled fingers rubbed up his back in a firm, solid line, tracing over his spine as far as he could manage. He didn't even mind the lick of cold air that followed it.

His body knew this touch. It remembered claiming hands and rough fingertips, harsh breathing and a biting mouth. It remembered the pleasure that brought all those months ago, the pleasure it had forced dreams of since that dogged the dreamer frequently with unwanted arousal. Well, unwanted until this time.

Severus stumbled as the press of Remus' body pushed him backward. The wall that came up against his back was a welcomed support in the face of what Remus had managed to do with his body. It didn't even feel like his anymore. It felt hot and cold and needing and hungry...

“It's okay,” Remus whispered against his lips and Severus shuddered all over again.

“I shouldn't feel this. It's not...it's not right, I don't want you-”

“Yes you do.” Severus sucked in a gasp as Remus traced over his jaw with his lips, catching one ear between his teeth. “You've wanted me for months, Severus. Last time... It wasn't Lily you wanted. It wasn't her scent that made you hard. It was me.”

Severus shuddered with a soft groan. Remus pressed against him bodily, all hard planes and groping hands. A leg fitted between his own, firm and rubbing just right-

“Remus-”

“You don't have to love someone to want them.”

Don't think.

Hungry lips claimed his own and finally, blessedly, Severus caved completely to join them in needy devouring. He arched into hands that smoothed over his shirt, knocking his coat free and then working on buttons. Severus found his hips pressing into the thigh between his legs as his hands gripped and dragged the sweater from Remus' body. A thin, white under shirt was all that stood in his way to skin. Remus shivered and just pressed closer as Severus groaned.

It didn't matter, for once, whether this was right or wrong. Severus wanted it badly.

Remus nibbled and licked a trail along his throat, dragging his half buttoned shirt over his unbitten shoulder to get at more skin. Severus tilted his eyes, eyes closed as he panted for breath. His heart pounded hard in his chest and he still didn't feel quite in his own skin. Remus bit down and he gave a hoarse cry. Hands on his skin – when had Remus managed to get his shirt all the way open? - rough fingertips traced along his thin torso. It was cold and hot and he arched into it as Remus prompted shivers too random to ready for.

“Remus-” A breathy moan cut off whatever words he might have said. Instead, he bit down on his lip as those rough fingers pinched a nipple between them and he felt a wet tongue against his shoulder. Fuck, he knew he should be reciprocating, something, but it was so hard to do anything but hold on as Remus rocked against him. His fingers were tight in Remus's shirt, the fabric pulled almost painfully tight between his hands.

Remus shifted his hips and Severus groaned, his own grinding back into the other werewolf's. It felt good, hot and heady and overpowering. He barely knew what to do with himself. And then he felt Remus' hand rub over the front of his pants and he forgot how to breath. He shouted instead and it may have been a name but he couldn't hear over the blood rushing in his ears.

The next thing he knew, Remus had gotten his pants open and his fingers were wrapped around his cock, moving with firm determination. Severus whimpered, hips moving with that hand. Fuck, he was so hard.. He finally managed to get something of his wits back, at least enough to start fumbling with Remus' belt. Damn it, why was he wearing a belt?! Remus chuckled against his throat and made him shiver. A swipe of thumb over the head of his arousal brought up another jerk and groan from Severus and he fumbled further.

“Stop,” he moaned. “Stop, I...”

“What is it?” Remus was as breathless as he was, hand stilling.

“You. I need to... I...”

“Do it.”

Severus' eyes flashed at the command but his hands went on without him. He managed to the the belt unbuckled and then pants undone and pause there. Remus waited, panting softly as he did. So patient, even when Severus could feel his arousal in the darkness.

“Severus...”

It was just enough to shake him of his short stupor. Severus pursed his lips and delved a hand inside, cupping him through his underwear. Remus sucked in a sudden, quiet gasp and Severus' heart beat faster. Carefully, he pulled Remus's cock free and brushed his fingers along the shaft. Thicker than him, but shorter. His thumb brushed the broad, blunt head and Remus groaned, dropping his head to rest on Severus's shoulder. There was a certain excitement about causing that to happen, knowing Remus was hard for him, moaned for him. No one else..

Severus firmed his grip and stroked, loving the way Remus shuddered against him as he did. Before long, Remus took up his cock as well and they groaned together as they rocked and touched. Severus sought out Remus's lips and then sucked on his tongue as a particular slid of hand on skin made him shiver and jerk.

It was good, hot, so hot... He could barely stand the heat through the entirety of his body. Was it always like this when someone else touched you? Merlin, he didn't want it to end.

However, his body begged for completion. Soon, Severus grew more desperate, his hand moving move swiftly to spurn Remus on as their hips twitched and they throbbed within each other's first. Their breath mingled, both too riled to bother even trying to kiss at this point.

Severus found it first. He cried out but lost the air halfway through as his body jerked with a great shudder. He felt hot wetness splatter along his belly and hand. Remus growled into his shoulder and bit down again as he followed close behind. The bite drew another gasp from Severus even as Remus ended up half collapsed against him.

There they stood, panting and shaking as cold started prying back into them from the air around. Not even the heat generated between them could dispel it long.

“Remus,” Severus whispered. “What does this mean?”

“Nothing,” Remus replied just as softly and somehow, it hurt to hear it. “We... You can be attracted to someone without loving them. This... doesn't have to mean anything.”

Severus wasn't sure who Remus was saying that for. It wasn't a comfort to him, not really. He wondered if it comforted Remus at all. At least he hadn't moved away yet. Severus closed his eyes.

Blindly, the tucked each other away and Severus thought to drag out his want and cast a cleansing charm. Remus still hadn't lifted his head from Severus's shoulder and Severus found himself not caring.

“So it's nothing,” he murmured.

“Yeah. Nothing.”

At least they were in agreement.

By the time they got back to bed, it was almost dawn and they were freezing. Severus laid in bed under his covers for an hour before his morning alarm went off to get ready for school. He'd warmed up by then and got dressed, only half missing the sleep he'd skipped. His shoulders smarted. Remus had bruised him pretty well, but he was rather sure it'd be gone by the morning, if not by that evening. He got up, dressed in fresh clothing, and went down to breakfast.

Across the room, Severus saw Remus greeted by Black with a rather wide grin on his idiotic face. He watched Remus sit down and then Remus looked at him. They held eye contact for a moment and then broke off as one. Severus sat with Rosier as the shorter boy babbled about this or that with Wilkes. Apparently, the confession had gone well, if Rosier hadn't chickened out at the last second.

Severus tried to fall back into normal. The days went on. He did his school work. He listened to Lily sigh happily into her text book. He readied himself for the NEWT testing. He tried to ignore James Potter's goddamn grin.

And then 'nothing' happened again. Another late night staring at the moon interrupted by sweaty bodies and panted breath. And again after that. Severus was quickly becoming accustomed to the feel of Remus' hand.

In public, they were still Snape and Lupin and they didn't look at each other and they didn't hang out. But those nights, they were Severus and Remus and they touched and kissed and wanted. He didn't know which he liked better, but he was a little scared that he might have come to need both.

The distraction wasn't much, however. Come the end of May, they tested. Severus did well and his scores were sent off to Belby for the last requirement of his apprenticeship. He received word barely a day later. He'd been accepted and would begin training a week after school ended, just long enough for him to settle his affairs before following Belby to Italy for the next year. Then he would test for his potions mastery. It was very exciting.

Severus didn't feel excited, however.

Four days before they were slated to go home, 'nothing' happened for the last time. As they rested, panting and weary, kneeling on the shack floor, Remus reached over and curled his fingers in Severus' hair as he leaned over to kiss him. It was soft, fleeting, and when he pulled away, Remus looked almost regretful.

“You're going to be okay, aren't you? When we leave.”

“I'll be fine.” Severus closed his eyes but something prompted him to add, “And you?”

“Always.”

They left it at that. Four days later, Severus got onto the train for the last time apparated back to Spinner's End. His time at Hogwarts was over. Somehow, he thought he should feel something more than this. He didn't. Closing his eyes, Severus walked back to his father's house.

Chapter 19
You Can Hold Your Head Up

Severus went on guard as soon as he opened the door. A sudden stench assaulted his nostrils and he covered his nose, wincing. Too close to the moon, he couldn't ignore it. Gritting his teeth, Severus forced himself to step inside. He found the source in the kitchen, where dishes had been piled and old food rotted and stunk. His mother would never have let this happen. In her right mind. She'd gotten worse.

Severus set his trunk near the door and searched the house but there was no one there. It felt... abandoned. Useless. Empty. Even when he found something belonging to the family here and there, it was so empty. His parents' room was a mess, clothing thrown all over, things in disarray. He found a broken plate shattered the old dresser along the wall. It didn't look like a robbery. Not that there would have been anything to steal.

He sat down on his trunk and waited, fist tight around his wand. Maybe his parents had forgotten he would be home this day. They might be out, doing something. He really didn't want to think about the alternative.

It was later that night when his father came. He opened the door, dressed down in his factory coveralls. Tobias stopped when he spotted Severus and stared for a few moments before he shut the door behind him.

“You're back,” he said quietly. Severus stood, still holding his wand.

“Where's mother?”

He hadn't meant it to sound afraid and raw. Tobias just stared at him, gray eyes blank.

“She's dead.”

It hit like a knife. Severus staggered back a step. “What?”

“She died in November.”

“Bullshit!” Severus snarled as the pain turned immediately to rage, now that there was a target. Dead? She couldn't be dead. She was... she... He had to be lying! “Where is she?!”

Tobias hadn't moved. “She's dead, Severus. She's buried with Mother.”

“Shut up! Shut up, it's not true!” Severus jerked up his wand and held it, hand shaking. “Stop lying to me!”

After a moment, Tobias' brows furrowed and he took a step forward and then another.

“WHERE IS MY MOTHER?!” Severus roared and then Tobias backhanded him across the face. Severus jerked with the force of it, stumbling into the other wall of the hallway.

“She's dead!” Tobias snarled. He grabbed Severus's shoulder and jerked him around, other hand rising to grab his chin and force his face up to face him. “She's dead, Severus. She's not coming back. She's not anywhere. She's gone.”

Severus's breathing was tight and painful as he glared at the man. No. No, he couldn't accept this. But Tobias wasn't finished.

“November,” he growled, but his anger was fading. “She hung herself. Out in the shed.”

Severus swallowed thickly. He wanted to fight it, but his father had always been blunt. Always honest. Bastard as he was, Tobias had never lied to him. “Why didn't you tell me...? I...I could have..”

“You wouldn't have changed anything.” Tobias let go of his face. “You had your studies-”

“Damn my studies!” Severus shot back angrily. “I could have at least gone to the funeral! Helped bury her! Something!”

Tobias sighed, looking away. “No. You needed to concentrate. I got a copy of your ending test scores. I assume nine is a good number of-”

“We're not talking about my grades right now,” Severus hissed. Tobias looked at him again, his face drawn blank.

“...There was nothing you could have done, Severus. It wasn't your concern.”

Severus laughed, harsh and painful. “Like hell it wasn't my concern! She's my mother!”

“And she wanted you to succeed, you arrogant little shit!” Tobias snarled with a dark glint in his eyes. “Do you think either of us wanted this life for you?! Why the hell do you think I let you into that blasted school in the first place instead of keeping you here? There's a chance for you in that other world and I'll be damned if I let you ruin that!”

“Shut up-” Severus started quietly and then Tobias hit him again. This time, his nose was bleeding when he looked back at his father.

“Watch the attitude.”

Severus grit his teeth, hands fisted at his side. He could lift his wand. He could pay back every bit of pain right then and there and he wanted to so badly. He wanted to hear Tobias scream in agony.

“I'm leaving.”

“Your things are packed.” Severus sucked in a soft gasp as Tobias gave him a narrow look. “You got the internship, didn't you?”

“Yes.”

“Then leave.”

For a moment, Severus wondered why he'd ever thought Tobias would want him to stay. He gathered up the few boxes Tobias had packed together, shrunk them into his trunk, shrunk the trunk, and then left within an hour. He never wanted to see that man again as long as he lived.

He went to the cemetery his grandmother had been buried in. Severus hadn't been there since he was very small. When Grandfather Snape first came to live with them, he visited the cemetery every year on the same day, but Severus never went with him. Still, it wasn't hard to find the Snape family plot. Great-grandfather Snape had been a man of money enough to reserve room for himself, his wife, their two children, and various others who had decided to be buried there over the years. It was about the only extravagance the Snape family had ever shown, in all actuality. Somehow, the grave site was fitting to them.

Severus found his mother laid to rest next to his grandmother. Grandmother Snape's headstone was a double and for some reason, his father had apparently seen it right to have it engraved for Grandfather Snape, even if there wasn't a body under. Severus felt mildly better that his mother laid on his grandmother's side and not his grandfather's.

The headstone was pretty, more so than any of the others. It had been smoothed so well that he could see himself, even in the dark. The engraving was careful, each letter perfect, and there were flowers around the edge in an artful, pretty design. Severus knelt there and ran his fingers over his mother's name. Eileen Prince Snape. He hadn't known she'd kept her maiden name in any fashion. He wondered if there were any of the Prince family left and if they cared she had died. He doubted it. They'd never heard anything from Eileen's family, just Tobias'. Under her name were the words “Loving Mother, Dutiful Wife. She Will Be Missed.”

Hollow words.

Severus' breathing hitched. Who had paid for this? Who had bothered? No one bothered for her. Ever. Not even he had. And he could see it now, how she'd tried to reach out to him over the years. How she'd tried to care for him. He'd spurned her so many times. He'd been so angry with her.

“Mother,” he whispered, the word seeming a jagged knife in his throat. “Mother, I'm sorry.”

The stone was cold under his fingertips. There would be no comfort. And it was when he realized there would be no answer that he finally started to cry. It drained out of him in a torrent of gut-wrenching sobs as he leaned against the stone and begged her to forgive him.

There wouldn't be forgiveness. He was too late. She couldn't forgive what he'd done even if she wanted to now.

When he was able, Severus stood. He wiped his face on his shirt sleeve and dusted the dirt from his pants. There was still a week before he was to meet Belby and the moon in three days to contend with. Severus didn't have a choice. He wasn't ready to reveal his state to Lucius. He definitely wasn't going to run to R- to Lupin. Avery would throw him out. Wilkes didn't care. Rosier-

Severus apparated. He'd been to Rosier's place once, with Lucius during a party. Rosier's father was in the same social circle as Lucius', high born pure bloods. Severus still wasn't quite sure how none of the Slytherins or their family seemed to have sniffed out his father's dirty blood.

There were, predictably, wards everywhere. No pure blood family would leave any of that to chance, but he remembered vaguely how to trigger the alert charm and nothing else. It took a while but finally, a droopy eared house elf popped up near by and escorted him in. Lord Rosier was waiting in the foyer when they got there. He was a broad shouldered man with a thick trunk and thick arms and a thick head on his thick neck. He scowled all the time and his blue eyes flared at nearly anything anyone said, no matter if it was worth the effort or not. His white hair was kept short and swept from his wrinkled face. Lord Rosier looked twice his age in his face and that made him twice as dangerous in Severus' eyes.

“What do you want, boy?”

Severus was eighteen years old. He wasn't a boy anymore and he refused to be intimidated like one.

“I came to see Evan.”

“At this hour? Without warning? Have you no shame?”

“It is imperative that I see him immediately.” Severus remained strong and stared the man in the eye. He kept himself from shaking at his utter gall, knowing fully well that this man could likely kill him in a second if he fancied. Most of Lucius' father's friends could.

The old man narrowed his eyes and curled his thinly mustached lip. After a long bout of staring, which Severus refused to back down from, Lord Rosier looked down to the house elf that had been waiting so quietly with them.

“Go wake Evan. Let him deal with this... miscreant.”

The house elf disappeared with a pop. Silence fell over the two of them as they waited, Lord Rosier tapping his arm every few moments. Rosier didn't take too long. He was slightly out of breath when he burst out into the foyer.

“Snape? What are you doing here? Father, I can deal with this.” Lord Rosier snorted and left.

Severus watched him, then sighed a little and looked at Rosier. “You trusted me before with your secret. I'm calling that favor. I need a place to stay. Just a week, then I'll be gone. And there will be... a difficult problem to deal with in the meantime.”

Rosier nodded. “Anything. I'd be happy to help you. You're free to stay.”

Chapter 20
And Smile

Severus didn't ask how Rosier convinced his father. He'd known the other Slytherin would pull through for them. After all, Severus held a secret that could very likely get him killed. And they might have been friends after all. Maybe. A little bit.

Rosier showed him to a guest room and even healed his face as best he could before he left him to sleep the rest of the night. Severus didn't sleep. He laid in bed and stared at the wall and thought about his next move. His mother's face came back to him time and again but he was done. He'd grieved. He wasn't going to waste more time, especially now that the edge of grief was giving way to a deep, burning anger. No. Best to think of the future and not his achingly recent past.

The next day, Severus told Rosier what he was. He was surprised, a bit skeptical, but then thought about it and realized it was the only good explanation to how often Severus had gotten 'sick' in the last year and a half of school. He took it surprisingly well, actually, and then the two of them readied an old garden shed that the gardeners used when tending to the huge amount of greenery surrounding the manor.

Severus went through his transformation and Rosier was there in the morning to drag him back to his bed with house elves to tend to his wounds. A few days later, Severus made sure he had all his things and the two bid each other farewell as Severus left to meet Belby.

The old Greek man was already waiting when Severus arrived. He grabbed Severus's arm and side-apparated them on to his home and laboratory in Italy, just outside Rome. Getting his things settled in the room set aside for him didn't take long. Severus was vibrating with energy. No matter what pains he still felt, sadnesses that plagued him, this was his one chance for a future.

Belby spoke with him at length over various rules and expectations, then about his usual working schedule. It would be brutal, but Severus was more than ready. They began the next day, right at six.

Most of Severus' duties were collecting and preparing ingredients. He ran to various shops to pick up supplies, went over various oft needed recipes to commit them to memory, and practiced his techniques when he wasn't directly assisting Belby in brewing. The first few weeks were arduous and busy, just what he'd wanted. If he was too busy to think, he was too busy to mourn.

A month later, Severus managed to mask his full moon transformation. He told Belby he was needed home for a day or two and then escaped out to a place he'd scouted and prepared in his few free moments just for that purpose. The morning after, Severus tended to himself as well as he could but he wasn't good at healing spells. Only a few scrapes lingered long enough to need bandages when he got back and though Belby gave him a few narrow looks, he didn't question any of it.

A few weeks after that, Severus accidentally handled silver. He'd been chopping ingredients into fine slivers and reached blindly for the next bit, only to grab the silver knife he used for certain ingredients. It burned him immediately and he uttered a sharp cry of pain as his fingers clenched around it and continued to burn. He finally managed to drop the knife after moments of agonizing pain and jerked his hand to his chest. Belby looked up in surprise and hurried over after seeing the way Severus hunched over himself, face pulled with pain.

The old man forced him to open his hand. He was bleeding, skin bubbled up and burned across his palm and fingers as if he'd dropped his hand on an oven burner. Some of it was even black. Severus resisted the urge to retch.

“What did you do?” Belby demanded as he drew his wand and accio'd a burn salve.

“It...it was just an accident-”

“Damn it, Severus, what did you do?”

“I just-”

“You should be more careful with your hands. Don't you understand that your livelihood lives in your hands?!”

Severus fell silent. Belby continued to lecture him as he tended to the rather vicious burn and then wrapped his hand when the damage refused to heal quickly. He rubbed a numbing salve into the bandages and it helped, but his hand still throbbed and ached. Severus went back to work and tried to strain his burned left hand as little as he could.

Belby watched him closely after that. Severus did his best, being as careful as he possibly could. It took a week for his hand to heal, even with rubbing salves into the burns.

A week later, Severus asked to visit his family for the full moon. Belby was more suspicious this time but allowed it. Two days weren't much and Severus had worked very hard. So, Severus went on back to his transformation spot and came back once he'd tended to himself as best he could the next day. When he got to the door, Belby stared at him, frowning as his eyes trailed up and down him.

“Lounge. Now.”

Severus paled and his jaw clenched, but he followed the man into the lounge and took a seat across from him. Belby sat with his elbows resting on his knees, hands clasped between. His pockmarked face was twisted with a deep scowl that deepened the wrinkles in his face.

“You went home, did you?”

“Yes, sir.”

Belby's eyes narrowed. “Does you family beat you, Severus?”

“What?!” Severus fought down a sudden jolt of rage.

“Each time you have gone to see your family, you have returned injured. It wouldn't be a problem, except that we deal with dangerous substances that can cause tremendous problems if they were to get into your blood stream.” Of course Belby didn't care about him personally. He didn't care about anyone personally.

“They're not. I'm clumsy.”

Belby lifted a thick brow. “I doubt that. However, if your family is not, indeed, abusing you, then I require a better explanation than 'clumsiness.'”

Severus fell silent. Just how was he suppose to answer this? His bandaged hands tightened in his lap. Belby gave him a long, hard stare and then sighed.

“Severus, I don't appreciate being lied to.” Severus started to retort, but Belby held up one hand to silence him. “I understand you like your privacy. As long as it doesn't affect your working for me, I could care less what you do on your own time. But I will not be lied to. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, sir.”

Belby sighed again and raked a hand through his frizzy white hair, eyes closed and a line of annoyance creased between his brows. “Good. Now explain.”

Swallowing, Severus dropped his gaze down to his hands, wringing his fingers. What was he suppose to say? If Belby knew that he'd done it to himself, that the werewolf's craving for violence was why he came back scratched bloody, he'd be tossed out in a second.

Belby watched him all the while, his brown eyes hard and without an ounce of kindness. His annoyance was palpable and yet, Severus still could say nothing. Finally, the old man let out a soft, grumpy sound.

“I wouldn't suppose it had anything to do with why you burned yourself nearly to bone with a silver knife.”

Severus's eyes snapped wide. He jerked his head up, staring at Belby incredulously. The old man nodded faintly and folded his arms over his chest.

“You're an unregistered werewolf.” Severus could do nothing to defend himself. Belby was too smart to be turned aside now. “You should have told me. I was planning on working with silver through the next two weeks. The fumes would have killed you.”

“I'm sorry.” Severus dropped his head, shoulders hunching. “I'm sorry. I didn't... I didn't think it would matter. That I could hide it.”

“You might have. But you'd still have ended up dead.” Belby scrunched his face again. “Look. This may be of use to me.”

Severus glanced up, just the faintest bit hopeful. After all, Belby hadn't tossed him out on his arse yet.

“I've been working on a pet project for the last year or so,” the old man began, watching him critically. “At first, it was a potion to try and cure lycanthropy. However... I've decided this is not possible.”

Somehow, Severus felt the slightest edge of disappointment, even though he knew this was true.

“However, there may be a way of controlling the wolf form. Putting it under the human's control. I've set out to do this through potions.”

“That... That would be genius,” Severus remarked quietly, faintly awed. He hadn't thought that could be possible, even less so than curing it completely. Belby's lips quirked just faintly, not a real smile, but a show of amusement.

“Yes, I thought you might appreciate that. Severus, you and I are in a unique position here.” Belby leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees as he looked at Severus intensely. “Here, we have two wizards with advanced potions understanding and a werewolf with everything to gain from this research coming out a success.”

It took Severus only a few moments to realize what the man was proposing. “I would be a test subject.”

“If you so chose to be.” Yes, you would.

There really wasn't much of a choice, really. Severus agreed, mostly because he was terrified Belby would send him packing if he didn't. They began quickly. Most of it was researching and testing various reactions. Some of it, Severus couldn't be near to witness, such as when Belby was using silver or wolfsbane, but the theory work he could do just fine.

Months passed before the first human trial. Severus nauseas and sick for days after the first batch with no defined difference during the transformation. Another batch left him deathly ill for weeks. Slowly, over the rest of the year, Belby perfected the formula little by little. Severus spent more time ill than actually assisting him. Somehow, he felt like he was accomplishing something anyway.

And then they finished it. A working prototype. Unfortunately, it only worked if Severus took it a full seven days before the full moon, but the fact that it worked at all was astonishing. The transformation was still painful and horrid, but afterward, he remained cognizant and in control of himself. The wolf instincts were still there, as were his heightened senses, but the vile need for violence was gone. He could have cried in relief.

Belby took full credit in the patent, as was his due. He did, however, make sure that Severus was noted as potions assistant through the full course. It didn't mean anything to anyone except them, but that was enough.

Severus sent word to Lupin. It would be a good year or so before the Ministry gave full permission for the potion to be used on the public, but there was hope for the future. Lupin wrote back soon enough to thank him for the information and added in a hint that future letters would be appreciated. Severus decided he would think about it.

</li-cut>