Current mood:	chipper
Entry tags:	angst, complete, fanfic, lupin, mirror, sex, slash, snape, snupin

The Other Side of the Mirror 3
Title: The Other Side of the Mirror
Word Count: 62,542
Rating: NC17
Pairing: RL/SS, RL/SB, SS/LE(one sided), SS/LM
Content: Abuse, Anal, Angst, Bi, H/C, HJ, Language, M/M, N/C, Oral, Tort, Violence, WD
Summary: In sixth year, Remus Lupin nearly killed Severus Snape in wolf form. Miraculously, Severus escaped unharmed. But what if he hadn't?

1-4 5-8 9-12 13-16 17-20 20-24 25-28 29-33



Chapter 9
So Live

Severus was surprised when he didn't immediately get hit in the face. Black backpedaled with a yip that drew Severus' brow upwards and then the bigger boy scowled.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” he sneered out. Severus sighed and his hand tightened on the strap of his overnight bag.

“Right now, I'm wondering.”

Black scowled but before he could say anything more, Lupin grabbed his shoulder and dragged him back a bit.

“Hello, Snape.”

“Lupin.”

“I'm glad you came.”

Severus nodded a bit, eyes sliding back to Black, who looked absolutely incredulous.

“This is why Prongs and I can't stay tonight?!”

“Yes.” Lupin let go of him and crossed his arms over his chest. “You spent the last one with me. At least let Snape have one calm moon before school starts again.”

Severus frowned. What did that mean? But he wasn't to get an answer just yet. Black decided he didn't much care for the arrangement. He ranted and raved but Lupin was having none of it. Secretly, Severus felt rather pleased to have the other werewolf fight for him, even if it was so surreal. And then Potter and Pettigrew, who had been hiding farther in Lupin's room, got into it. Had he not wanted to cause trouble for the Lupins, he'd have cast a silencing charm already, underaged magic be damned- Wait a moment. He was seventeen!

Black, Potter, Pettigrew, and Lupin looked very surprised when they suddenly weren't making noise anymore. Lupin immediately shot Severus a glare. Potter caught on next and seethed. Black and Pettigrew were still trying very hard to scream and couldn't get anything out. Severus glared at the lot of them.

“Idiots.” That caught Black and Pettigrew's attention. Severus crossed his arms over his chest, holding his wand. “Look. I'll just go home. I didn't know I was inconveniencing you.”

Potter had the decency to look surprised and maybe just the faintest bit embarrassed. Lupin, on the other hand, immediately shook his head in a firm no that Severus ignored.

“Anyway. Finite Incantatem.” And Severus pulled the door shut with a slam and started back down the hall. He heard the yelling start again and ignored it. Damn it. His face felt hot and there was a weird lump in his chest. Merlin. He shouldn't have bothered.

Mrs. Lupin looked vary surprised when he came out, still holding his bag. She caught his arm before he could get farther than the kitchen and Severus flinched, giving her a sudden, fugitive look.

“Oh, honey...” She was so sympathetic. “Come on, I'll get you some pie.”

Severus tried to protest, managed something about leaving, but by then Mrs. Lupin already had him sitting at the kitchen table and a plate with a large piece of chocolate pie sitting on it, complete with whipped cream dollop. A perfect whipped cream dollop. How...?

Mrs. Lupin set down a fork, gave him a smile, and then went to stand in the doorway to the kitchen as she continued drying dishes. Severus picked up his fork and poked at the pie awkwardly. Wasn't he suppose to be gone by now...?

He stiffened when he heard the arguing escalate from down the hall and then there was a door slamming and rushed footsteps and-

“Mum! Please tell me you stopped him!”

“Honey, what on earth are you talking about?”

Severus glanced over, shoulders hunched. He felt like some kind of criminal for some reason. It only made him feel minimally better to know that Mrs. Lupin had managed somehow to keep Lupin from seeing into the kitchen enough to know he was still there.

“Severus! Sirius and James and Peter were being prats and he stormed out.”

“Well. That doesn't sound all that fun.”

The single Slytherin in the house was trying very hard not to notice that Lupin seemed very comfortable using his first name at home.

“Did he leave? Damn it! I wanted this to go well!”

“Language!” Mrs. Lupin patted his arm. “Send the boys home, honey.”

“What?”

“Your friend's still here. Send the boys home.”

He didn't know what look was on Lupin's face, but his mother suddenly giggled. Then there was more stomping feet and more yelling as Mrs. Lupin went back to the sink. Severus stared down at the pie he still hadn't taken a bite of. It was half destroyed by his picking, but that didn't make him stop.

After the yelling finally subsided, he heard grumbles and storming feet and eventually a few half hearted farewells. And then it was quiet until Lupin poked his head into the kitchen. Severus heard him sigh with apparent relief.

“There you are, Sev-” Severus looked at him and Lupin caught himself. “..Snape. I thought you might have left.”

“....Your mother offered pie.”

“It's good pie.”

Severus thought he might have heard Mrs. Lupin snort as she finished up the dishes. She hung up her dish towel and left the kitchen, giving Lupin another pat on the arm as she went. Lupin's cheeks were reddened and he looked just faintly out of sorts, likely from the fight he'd just had with his best friends. Severus' eyes went wide suddenly. Lupin had fought with his best friends. Over him. He didn't know what to think about that.

Eventually, Lupin made it over to sit down across from him. Severus glanced at him and then looked back at the pie. Silence spread over them for quite a while before Lupin chuckled, racking a hand back through his hair.

“...Sorry, Snape. I figured they'd be gone before you got here.”

Severus lifted a brow. “What. Were you ashamed to let them see you with me?”

“What? No!” Lupin stared at him incredulously. “Of course not. I just... You guys don't get along well at all-”

“I hate them.”

“Granted. But, anyway, I didn't...Well, tonight's going to be uncomfortable enough for you. I wanted to make it a little...easier, I guess.”

Severus looked at him. “...Easier. You cared enough to think about that?”

“Of course I did. I'm not a total heartless bastard, Snape.”

He had to give him that one. Severus poked at the destroyed pile of pie and finally took a bite. It really was good pie.

“And...you're my pack.”

Severus stiffened. More of that pack nonsense. It just made him think back to the train, when Lupin had grabbed him and hissed in his face. He still wasn't sure how he felt about that one.

“...The last full moon. It was harder,” Severus murmured with a frown. “More painful. Is that what you were worried about?”

Lupin blinked and then flushed. “Ah. No. Not really. But that does make sense... You're used to going through the chance with me. It's... easier that way. Being with packmates. I read about it.”

“Oh. Then what was it?”

The other boy was very much not looking at him. Severus had a sudden attack of paranoid suspiciousness.

“Well?”

“It's..not very easy to talk about, Snape.”

“I don't give a damn. Spit it out already.”

Lupin sighed, scratched through his hair, and then rested his head on one hand. “... You like Lily, right?”

Severus stiffened and didn't answer, but Lupin didn't need him to.

“Snape, do you know anything about wolf mating habits?” Lupin still wasn't looking at him. “Wolves mate when females are in heat. Once a year, usually between January and April... Humans aren't like that. Our females are fertile every month and there's no telling which one will be fertile at which time.”

He wasn't quite sure what Lupin was implying but he didn't like it at all.

“Have you ever gotten laid?”

Severus dropped his fork and stared in humiliated silence. Lupin glanced at him, reddened further, and then looked away.

“...Bad question. Anyway. Um.” More silence. Lupin fiddled with a button on his over shirt. “It's different with werewolves. Only about half of us are feral enough to react to heat hormones much. Some of us react to every single female they get near and some not at all. But... You already fancy someone. It's going to be harder for you to control it.”

“Are you saying you think I won't be able to keep my hands to myself?” Severus's voice was very cold.

“What?! No!!” Lupin jerked up straight, staring at him with slight horror. “Just... I wanted to warn you. I know what it's like. And...I have to... Well. Never mind, it doesn't matter. I just didn't want it to surprise you. Like it did me.”

Severus was still frowning. He looked back at the pie, which was looking less and less appetizing as the seconds went by. Finally, he managed a begrudging thanks for the warning.

Chapter 10
And Learn

The rest of the day was, thankfully, not nearly as awkward. Severus helped Remus work in the garden, since the idea of chatting it up anymore made him absolutely uncomfortable. And it needed to be done anyway. They didn't speak much past “let me see the hoe,” or, “is that a centipede?”

Thank Merlin they didn't talk anymore about heat or mating or wolves. Severus might have had to rip out his own eardrums.

Mrs. Lupin made a very nice lunch and then a very nice dinner after. Severus didn't find it hard to eat until he was almost sick both times. He felt a little better when he saw Lupin doing the same. Both parents didn't seem to mind how quiet the boys were. And perhaps they were a little amused by the shy, rather embarrassed looks both kept giving each other.

Severus felt a great sense of relief when night closed in. He and Lupin went out to the cellar, dragging back the doors and stepping down. The walls were pressed earth and smelled of wet, but the cool air below was comforting none the less. Lupin tugged a hanging light on. Shelves lined the rather wide cellar, stalked tall with cans, jars, and boxes marked in tidy script.

“We should be comfortable here... Put your clothes over there,” Lupin murmured as he started tugging off his over shirt. Severus stopped dead.

“Wait. We're undressing in front of each other?”

“Does it look like there's a curtain around?”

Severus stared at him. Lupin stared right back. Then he sighed a bit, shook his head, and turned his back on the other boy.

“I promise not to peek.”

Severus snorted. As if Lupin would have any interest in looking anyway. It wasn't like Severus had breasts.

They undressed and stashed their clothing without looking at one another. Then they sat down against one clear wall and waited. Severus hugged his bony knees to his chest, itching under his skin as the moon's power flowed through him, getting him ready for the change. He closed his eyes, almost relaxing into it, then -

“What the hell gave you that?”

Severus blinked and looked over to find Lupin staring at him. He'd have been utterly horrified that the naked boy was looking at his naked self, but instead followed Lupin's wide eyes down to the rather large bunch of bruising along his hip and side. There were other marks elsewhere, but he had to admit that this was a particularly spectacular piece of work. What had that been from again...? He thought back and then found the obvious answer. Oh. Yes. He'd pissed Grandfather Snape off the night before. He'd been pretty sure that was bleeding in places before he'd gone to sleep, but oh well. Werewolf healing and all that.

“I fell.”

“Like hell you f-unngh!”

Saved by the moon. It warped their bodies and Severus had faint comfort that it wasn't nearly as painful as last time before his mind disappeared and the wolf took over.

The wolf liked having a bit more space than last time, but he missed his usual hunting grounds. This smelled like his pack leader and some large dog and some prey? Prey that wasn't around for him to eat. Still, it was betting having the other wolf there. They fought and sniffed about and then curled up against each others' fur when the night waned.

Severus woke up to the feeling of fingers brushing through his hair. He was too sore and warm to move at first, but the unfamiliar feeling nagged at him long enough that he finally opened his eyes... Lupin.

Somehow, Severus managed to get across the cellar in less than a second. “What the hell, Lupin?!”

The other boy lifted a brow and sat up with a shrug. “You were dreaming.”

“And that means you can invade my personal space?!”

“Well, you were laying on me. I thought you might need the sleep.”

Severus wondered if he could die of embarrassment. Blessedly, Lupin decided not to continue the awkward, upsetting line of conversation. Instead, he got up and began to dress, tossing Severus' clothing to him. The Slytherin pulled on his clothes faster than he could ever remember.

Mrs. Lupin showed up soon enough and took both boys to bed. She made them gulp down a healing potion each and then they were out as soon as their heads hit the pillow. At least Severus did. He slid in and out of consciousness, as usual, sometimes to Mrs. Lupin making him drink water or potion, sometimes to voices talking in hushed tones. It didn't really matter to him much.

Evening rolled around before Severus woke for real, also normal. He sat up and yawned, running a hand back through his hair. He was still sore and tired, but at least he didn't feel like utter shit anymore. Lupin wasn't there, which comforted him faintly, but just prompted Severus to get up and find the boy. He stumbled a bit in the hallway and nearly cursed at a stubbed toe, but managed to keep it down. Especially when he heard voices in the kitchen. They were muffled at first, but Severus crept close with the skill of years living with Snapes.

“Honey, even if he's being hurt, you know we can't do anything about it unless there's proof,” he heard Mrs. Lupin murmuring and suddenly he went cold.

“Oh, there's proof all right. Mum, you should have seen his hip! And if that was still there last night... I don't even want to know what was there before. It looked bone deep already!”

“Now, son, think about it. With what he is now.. Proof might disappear too quickly to be documented-”

“But if that poor boy will just come forward-”

“No. I don't think Severus would even think to.” Lupin sounded so sad.

Severus was just angry. How dare they talk about him behind his back. How dare they think about bringing his shame to light. How dare they think he would! It's not like any of that even mattered! It was like Grandfather Snape said. The day he became a man, he wouldn't have to deal with this shit anyway. So what did it matter?!

Going back to Lupin's room, Severus found his overnight bag and made sure all of his things where there. Then he threw it over one shoulder and stormed right out of the house, slamming the door behind him. He heard voices, heard the door open again and someone shout his name, but he was too angry to stop walking.

Lupin grabbed his arm and hauled him back with strength Severus didn't know he had in him.

“Severus, wait!”

“Let me go, you filthy mongrel!”

Lupin's eyes went wide but Severus was too enraged to care. He jerked his arm out of Lupin's weakened hold and before he could even think about it, he was punching Lupin in the face. And Lupin took it, stumbling back a few steps. When he looked back up, there was blood dripping from his nose an and he still looked so very shocked. Somewhere near the door, Severus heard Mr. and Mrs. Lupin yell something.

“No more!” Severus roared. “No more letters, no more talking, no more pack! I'm finished with you, Lupin. I want nothing to do with you. You and all your self-righteous hero bullshit! As if you have any right to talk about my family that way! Just leave me the hell alone.”

Lupin opened his mouth to say something but before he could get it out, Severus had managed to apparate.

He didn't go home. His parents weren't expecting him until tomorrow anyway. Instead, Severus found himself at the park he and Lily used to play in when they were younger. It wasn't much of a park, just a block of empty space that happened to be covered in grass. People walked their dogs there sometimes. There wasn't anyone there after twilight, not in this neighborhood. Severus sat against the only tree in the whole place, pulled his knees to his chest, and rested his forehead on his knees.

Damn it.

He didn't even know why he was so angry. He should have been happy anyone noticed him. Even if it was bloody Lupin and his too-nice parents. But he hadn't been happy. Not at all. Severus didn't hate his family, much as he should have. He wasn't sure he loved them, but they were his. He couldn't say the same for much else.

At some point that night, much later than he should have been out in a factory district, it started to rain. Severus finally levered himself in and went home, sneaking into the house as quietly as he could. He froze halfway to his bedroom, hearing something shift in the house, but it went quiet after and he continued. Severus dried himself off with one of his blankets, dressed in pajamas, and crawled into bed. He barely slept, plagued with a horrible, unfamiliar guilt over what he'd said and done to Lupin. But it was Lupin's own fault. Not his. Lupin didn't have to stick his nose into every little problem...

Severus woke up to his mother knocking on the door and the sound of continued rainfall outside. He lifted his head, looking with bleary confusion at the closed door. His mother never bothered him, usually. With a sigh, he levered himself out of bed and opened the door.

“...What is it?”

“Oh.” She stared at him a moment, as if surprised he'd bothered to wake up for her. “There's someone here to see you.”

Who the hell? Maybe he'd get lucky and it was Lucius, though he couldn't think why the blond would come to a muggle house and no one else knew where he lived.

Severus yawned a bit and followed Eileen out to the front walk. He blinked when he noticed his father standing with his arms cross over his chest, glaring through the open front door. Curious and confused, Severus glanced at him and then stepped past to see who was waiting.

It ended up being a very waterlogged Remus Lupin in a rain coat. Damn it.

“Please don't slam the door shut in my face,” Lupin had the gall to say. Severus grabbed the door and nearly did on principle.

“What do you want, Lupin?”

Behind him, Severus heard his father's intake of breath and then Tobias grabbed his son's shoulder as he stepped up to his side, his expression hardening further.

“Lupin,” Tobias ground out. “Remus Lupin?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You're the monster that attacked my son.”

Severus paled and went very still. His father sounded murderous.

Chapter 11
And Hope To Merlin

Lupin didn't look like he was breathing. Tobias' hand tightened on Severus' shoulder but all the Slytherin could think to do was keep still and quiet.

“Leave,” Tobias growled. “Don't bother us. You've done enough damage.”

“Sir, I just want to talk-”

“If you don't leave now, wizard or not, werewolf or not, I'm calling the authorities. Get off my property.”

Lupin's eyes flickered from Tobias' coldly enraged face to Severus and then back again. After a strained few seconds that felt like hours, he took a step back. And then another one. And then he turned around and disappeared. Tobias let go of him and closed the door. They stood there in total silence, neither moving. Severus knew his father was looking at him but he couldn't meet that gaze.

“If he comes by again, I'll have him arrested,” Tobias said quietly. It sounded halfway between a threat and a comfort. Severus glanced at him but quickly dropped his gaze again.

“He won't.”

They were quiet again. Severus picked at the edge of his t-shirt.

“Kitchen. Your mother has breakfast for you.”

Severus left without another word, glad for the dismissal. He heard his father mutter something and then head to the living room, but by then, Severus was safely in his mother's presence. She'd cooked a big meal. He noticed she did that around full moons now. Maybe to help him recover. He thanked her, at any rate, and ate quickly before helping her clean up. From the living room, he could hear Grandfather Snape complaining about something and Tobias answering with some sarcastic insult.

Maybe... Maybe this was why he'd been so angry. Sure, his family wasn't perfect, but they were his. And they cared, in their own way. Mostly. Bloody Lupin. He didn't understand at all.

Lupin didn't write again. Severus wasn't sure if he was glad or not. The summer went on. He visited Lucius a few times, thankfully without meeting up with Lord Voldemort again, but that was more from his unspoken agreement with Lucius not to attend any more of the Malfoy parties. At least for now.

At home, things were... normal. Severus spent time in his room once his chores were done and avoided the adults. He listened to his father and grandfather bicker, or his grandfather just yelling at one or both parents. In a way, the noise was soothing. Familiar.

Severus notched off days on a rough, hand made calendar. He tended to make one at the beginning of the summer, just for those few months he wasn't at Hogwarts. Most of the days were ticked off in thick red lines. Three weeks before the start of term, Severus received his letter and the scholarship disbursement for his books. He and Eileen then went up to Diagon Alley to get books, supplies, and then back home for Eileen to fit his old robes. He hadn't grown much in the last year, but he had gotten thinner. Eileen took in the robes a bit, fixed a frayed hem along one cuff and the bottom, and then reinforced all the hems, just to make sure. Severus always liked these days before the fall term began, if only because she fussed over him.

A week before September, Severus made his biggest fuck up ever.

It seemed small. Severus was helping his mother drag out a bunch of old quilts to air them. Eileen had meant to do this last year, but things had come up and the task was set aside for later. Severus didn't mind helping, though the dust bothered his nose. He and Eileen sneezed every few minutes as they beat the quilts and hung them along the line across the garden.

As Severus tugged on of the last quilts out of the trunk, it caught on a rough edge. He frowned, trying to tug it loose and then scowled farther when he heard an unfortunate rip between three squared. Eileen looked over with surprise and then helped him get the bloody thing free before looking at the damage.

“It's not much. I can probably fix this,” she murmured, running her fingers over the ripped edges of old cloth. The thing looked a hundred years old or so. Severus wasn't even sure it could still be used, easily as it had torn.

Before either of them could think much about it, the back door opened and Grandfather Snape wheeled out onto the grass.

“Bitch, there's no goddamn lemonade. What the hell have I told you about my lemonade?”

Eileen sighed a little and got up from examining the quilt. She murmured a tiny apology and hurried into the house to accept the man's “request”. Severus glanced after her and then his eyes were drawn back to his grandfather who, for once, was not glaring at him. Instead, the old man stared at the torn quilt in his hands and his skin went pale. Severus blinked and then felt a cold terror in his chest when Grandfather Snape turned his gaze onto the boy.

Oh fuck.

“You,” Grandfather Snape hissed out as he took hold of his cane. His eyes were wide and nearly red with rage, lips curled back and half rotten teeth clenched so tightly they could have busted right then. His face was almost purpling. Severus had never seen him so angry. He couldn't even move.

The cane came down smartly across his face but even that and the blood that began immediately to stream from his nose wasn't enough to shock him into movement.

“That was Vivianne's, you bloody bastard!”

There wasn't even time to remember who Vivianne was before the cane cracked into him again and he saw stars. Grandfather Snape continued to scream at him as he brought the cane against him over and over. Severus tried to cover his head, curling up on the ground with the quilt still clutched to his chest. The cane cracked against his back and he felt something break and screamed but it didn't stop. Over and over and over and he was crying like a bloody girl but it hurt so much and he couldn't even think, his vision doubled-

And then it stopped. He couldn't move, curled up against the grass as a sobbing, shaking wreck. He thought he heard his mother's voice, something hitting the ground, but his blood rushed through his ears so hot and loud. And then everything went black.

He woke up in his bedroom and it hurt to breathe. Sitting next to the bed was his father. Tobias looked pale and his eyes were deadened, blank. There was dirt on his work clothes and his hands, which hung limply in his lap. Severus wasn't really sure what to think of this.

“Your grandfather...” Tobias trailed off and his expression didn't change at all. Severus looked at him, tired and bruised too much to move. His breathing sounded harsh and a little wet to his own ears and he was afraid he might be trembling faintly in his father's presence.

“Mum?” he croaked, shivering at the hoarse sound.

“She's outside.”

A faint tension left him, but that didn't make everything all right. It should have been Eileen in here with him. Tobias had never been the comforting type.

Even now, Tobias was still just staring at him with that blank, not quite right look on his thin face.

“What...h-happened...?”

“I don't know. When I came home...” Tobias usually only said things he meant to finish, things he'd thought about deeply before verbalizing. He never spoke without need and he never hesitated. “You'll stay in bed. Three broken ribs.”

Not surprising, but Grandfather Snape generally didn't beat him so severely. He vaguely remembered something before things went hazy. “Who's... Vivianne..?”

“Your grandmother. She died before you were born.”

Oh. That explained things. No wonder Grandfather Snape had been so angry. Though, Severus found it hard to imagine the old man caring about anyone but himself enough to get so angry over a ripped quilt.

His father didn't seem intent on saying anything more for now. After a few minutes of quiet and staring, Tobias got up and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Another day passed before he found out what happened and that was only because he noticed a strange quiet over the house and asked when his father brought him dinner.

“Where's Grandfather?” Severus' voice had cleared, throat healing easily enough from screaming while his ribs took a slower rate, bruises slowly fading off as well.

Tobias looked at him steadily and then set the dinner tray down on his bedside table. He sat down on the chair that had remained at Severus' bedside.

“He's dead.”

Severus didn't know why it shocked him so much but he fell silent and just stared at his father. Tobias didn't look sad, still just... empty. Severus wondered if he looked that way too.

“Where's Mum?”

“Resting.” The way he said it set Severus on edge, but Tobias wasn't about to elaborate. Not yet.

“How did..”

“Heart attack. He was old.”

Severus doubted it. He'd never doubted anything as much as that statement, but he didn't call the man on it.

There was no funeral but Tobias took a week from work off anyway. He informed the family. No one really cared except Great Aunt Esther, and that was just her asking for his medals so she could sell them at the next flea market. Tobias sent the damn things in the mail the next morning. Grandfather Snape's body was burned. Tobias conveniently forgot to pick up the ashes and when the funeral home called, he told them to throw Grandfather Snape's urn away.

Severus was well enough to get out of bed by the third day, but Tobias made him stay until the fourth anyway. Finally, Severus left his room. He showered, tidied up the bed, and then went to find his mother, who hadn't shown herself the entire while he recovered.

When he did find her, he wished he hadn't. Eileen sat on the edge of her shared bed with Tobias. She stared ahead, hands clasped in her lap. She was still wearing the clothes she had been the last time he saw her and he felt sick nausea when he noticed the dried blood stains across her chest and along her arms. His? He didn't know, but it looked so wrong on her.

“Mum?”

She didn't respond and didn't even look at him when he came round and knelt in front of her. Severus did everything he could think of to rouse her attention, but nothing. As if she was just gone. His chest hurt and it had nothing to do with knitting bones.

Tobias found him eventually and pulled him from the comatose woman. Severus didn't even care that the man had seen him crying. It was the greatest godsend that Tobias didn't say anything about it. He didn't say a damned word.

Chapter 12
It Gets Better

Eileen still hadn't spoken before Severus went to school, but that morning, she was in the kitchen making breakfast when he got up, tugging his trunk behind him. He thought she was better. She wasn't. She still didn't look at him or his father.

Breakfast was quiet. After, Tobias walked Severus out to the closest spot near by they could find for him to apparate from.

“She'll get better,” Tobias told him. Severus nodded but he didn't think she would. There was something more to the story she refused to tell either of them. Like why she'd been covered in streaks of blood when Tobias swore there were no wounds on Grandfather Snape's body.

Severus set his trunk straight and hesitated. His father stared back at him, quiet and grim.

“That boy goes to school with you.”

“Yes.” No point in lying.

“If he bothers you, I'll have him expelled.”

Severus wasn't comforted to hear it, mostly because he knew Dumbledore would never expel one of his precious Marauders. Still, he gave a quiet, “Thank you.”

They stared at each other for a little while. Severus could feel Tobias following the dark marks still decorating his face near his left ear and under his eye. His body seemed to decided the ribs were more important, so it was just starting to really get at the minor damage. Then Tobias turned without another word and headed back home. Severus watched him go. He wondered then if his father's back had ever seemed so thin and burdened before and when Severus had stopped being so intimidated by him.

Shaking his head, Severus apparated and got to King's Cross to catch the train. He managed to avoid most unpleasantness by getting there early and quickly secured a compartment before most students began trickling into the station. Through the window, Severus saw Avery and Wilkes. He was surprised to see how they'd buffed up over the summer, settling into more adult bodies that might get even bigger. Rosier trickled in next and Severus was a little surprised when he didn't see Mulciber anywhere. Then he blinked and remembered that Mulciber had been a seventh year. He wasn't coming back. It was about as shocking as when he'd come back for third year and realized Lucius wouldn't be coming back either. Severus had never been close to Mulciber, but he'd known the older boy was watching out for all of them, even if just to make sure he had dirt on them later on.

Then Severus saw Lupin. Surrounded by Potter, Black, and Pettigrew, Lupin should have been laughing easily and happy, but he wasn't. Severus narrowed his eyes. Black was telling a joke, all wide gestures and big mouth, Pettigrew already laughing even though he wasn't finished yet, Potter with a hand on Lupin's shoulder, but though Lupin was smiling, Severus knew it wasn't real.

He wasn't sure why he cared, but he did. Lupin was suppose to smile freely. He was suppose to be easy going. He was- stopping in the middle of the platform like he'd seen a ghost. Severus narrowed his eyes, watching. He recognized the faint head movement of taking in scent and this close to the first full moon of the school year, Severus wouldn't be surprised if Lupin could track it and he was fairly sure it was him Lupin had caught wind of. The sudden heavy look of regret damn well confirmed it.

As Black and Potter noticed something was up, Severus stopped looking. His chest felt tight. The ribs were still tender. That had to be why. It wasn't like he gave a damn.

Rosier found him first and Severus felt the other Slytherin's eyes drop to his bruised face but Rosier knew better than to say anything. It wouldn't be the first time a Slytherin bore marks coming back from summer, nor the first time Severus had. They chatted amiably until Avery and Wilkes made it there, then the four of them began a round of exploding snap for lack of anything better to do. The train started without them bothering to notice. All in all, it was a rather pleasant trip, even if Wilkes had to leave part way through to meet the other Prefects.

Soon enough, they got to their destination. The three remaining Slytherin seventh years headed out to claim a carriage for themselves. Severus heard Wilkes yelling at a couple younger kids to either get them faster over to their carriages or to the growing group of first years. It was amazing, really, seeing how young those kids looked. Of course, they were only ten or eleven, but it still surprised him. Shaking his head, Severus climbed in after Avery and spent the ride there listening to the shorter boy pick on Rosier for his long, bouncing curls, since Wilkes wasn't around to stick up for him. Rosier just blushed and ducked into his hood with a little sigh.

“Mother wanted me to look presentable,” he muttered, tugging at one curl. Avery snickered.

“Oh, yeah, real presentable. For a fag.”

Instead of flushing and getting angry like he should have, Rosier blanched. Avery caught it, as did Severus.

“Wait a minute,” Avery murmured with an incredulous stare. “You're not-”

“Of course not!” Rosier squeaked.

“You're a bloody pouf!”

“I am not! Stop calling me names before I hex you into next week!”

Severus just blinked and stayed out of it as the two fought. Fag? Could Rosier really be... that way? He thought about it logically. Since last year, he had noticed Rosier spending an inordinate amount of time with Wilkes. They were rarely apart, even when Wilkes had his Prefect duties. And Severus didn't remember a time Rosier had genuine interest in any of the girls. Huh. It could be true. Severus wasn't sure how he felt about that. Merlin, they slept in the same room. What if he'd been ogling- That thought paused and Severus nearly snorted at the idea that anyone, even a fag, would ever look at him twice.

He decided it didn't matter if Rosier was that way. Or Wilkes, for that matter, if he was as well. Actually, Severus had the oddest urge to congratulate them, but he didn't think Avery would be all that thrilled with the acceptance. Hell, he might even accuse Severus of being a fag, despite the well known fact that he was and always had been in love with Lily Evans.

Speaking of Lily. Severus fumbled getting out of the carriage when he saw her. She'd curled her hair for the trip and the deep red locks fluttered around her shoulders and over her back. She looked positively angelic and he felt his heart light just watching her. Then Avery shoved him out of the way to get out, grumbling under his breath about bloody poufs. Severus rolled his eyes and ended up stopping Rosier just outside the carriage.

“What?” Rosier shot at him, defensive. Severus lifted a brow.

“Whether he's right or not, I don't give a damn, Evan,” he said clearly and watched the boy's blue eyes widen. “Honestly. I could care less. It's not like you're any different than you were on the train.”

Rosier stared at him critically, searching for any sign that he might be lying and suddenly Severus knew it was true. Rosier was a fag. And he still didn't care. Finally, Rosier gave a terse nod.

“...Thanks,” he said quietly. “...You know, Sev. You're one of the nicest, most honorable guys I've ever met.”

Severus blinked and then he felt a little queasy. Well that wasn't a good Slytherin trait. Rosier grinned at him.

“Oh, don't be that way. You know what I mean.”

“No, I rather don't.”

It was Rosier's turn to blink. “What, honestly?”

“Honestly. It's not as if I go about in armor, saving damsels or anything.” Severus folded his arms over his chest as they started towards the castle, Rosier snickering beside him.

“Oh no. You start doing that and I'll be looking for Imperius,” the blond quipped. “But seriously. I just kinda noticed it. Like when you started tutoring the younger years-”

“Only to bring up Slytherin in the grade rankings. Can't let Ravenclaw win everything.”

“Or how you keep those Gryffindor blockheads from noticing anyone else-”

“Purely because I loathe them enough for the whole house.”

“There is the fact that you don't seem to care about me-”

“Because it honestly doesn't matter.” Severus sighed with exasperation. “I'm not a saint, Rosier. Stop painting me as such.”

“Blimey, you just can't take a compliment, can you?” Rosier shot back, a brow raised. His eyes slid to his bruised cheek. Severus didn't like it, so he kept the banter going.

“When they're empty and false, of course not.”

Rosier rolled his eyes. “Ugh. You're horrible.”

“At last. Something we can agree on.” Severus muttered and Rosier just snickered a bit.

The feast was rather enjoyable, if only for watching the new firsties look so little and pathetic and terrified. Severus was rather sure enjoying that completely negated whatever 'honorable' notions Rosier supposed he had. Ugh.

A full belly made him tired and lethargic. He followed his housemates down to the dungeons. Avery was still shooting Rosier nasty looks, even after Wilkes told him to knock off being an asrse. And then Avery sent him nasty looks, but Severus doubted it had anything to do with his own suspicions. He watched Rosier and Wilkes closely, how they interacted. There was nothing in their speech or actions that told of a forbidden romance, but he hadn't honestly thought he'd find any. They were Slytherins and, like most of the house, they at least knew discretion.

It all made Severus wonder, however. What would it be like with a boy? He was old enough to know how things went with girls, but how on earth did it work between boys? Was there anything more than... well, jerking? He thought about asking Rosier sometime but that idea was squashed unmercifully. No. It wasn't as if he'd need to know, anyway. But he could wonder.

He wondered if a boy's hand felt different against skin than a girl's. Girls were all soft curves and fluff. Boys tended to be hard angles and strength. Where a girl's hand was light and smooth, a boy's was calloused and rough. Severus laid back on his bed, staring at the ceiling. What would it be like..?

It was easy to imagine a girl. Lily's soft hands sliding over his skin, caressing him with her lips, pressing her curvy, warm body against his own. He could hear her sighs and see the way her skin would flush as he touched her, caressed her, loved her. As he let the images flow over his mind, he felt his body responding slowly. Severus let it and continued to imagine. She'd feel so hot and wet inside and before he took her, he'd make her writhe and whimper under him...

And then the images changed. Suddenly, there was a rough hand pressing against his chest, another sliding down his hip, calloused fingertips itching his skin deliciously. Severus drew in a shallow breath and then stopped breathing as he felt strong fingers curl around his hardened length and touch perfectly, with the knowledge of having done this so many times. A hot mouth nibbled and licked along his skin, claiming as that hand bound him like a wire until it finally broke and he nearly cried out with hot joy.

Severus snapped his eyes open, staring up blankly as he panted softly. After a few moments, he glanced down at his own hand down his pants and mussed with completion. Wait. Did this mean he was gay?